Monday, October 15, 2012

Finally Getting Back into the Swing

I've been struggling with discipline/motivation/something. That's partly the way I seem to work: I get super jazzed about something for a stretch of time, then drop it for a stretch of time, then come back to it. I was really intrigued by this method of working outlined by Steve Pavlina, where you work overtime for one week and then take a one week vacation, alternating every week. I think in order for me to execute it effectively, I'd have to add a little structure to it. If I could condition myself to work really intensely for one week and then break really intensely for one week, that would be great...but I'd have to keep it at a strict interval.

But that's a solution for a little further down the road. Right now, I want to be putting in a few hours on this project every day.

I was really hesitant and reluctant to work for a few weeks and ended up procrastinating a great deal. Procrastination usually ends up being a vicious cycle for me. I start to feel really bad about the fact that I'm procrastinating so badly, then get really down on myself and procrastinate more as a result. This cycle can go on for weeks at a time - what just happened to me.

I got out of it this time by taking a good, hard look at why I was procrastinating. I evaluated many possible reasons, but the one that made the most sense was an embedded fear of success.

I've accepted that I am capable of changing my life. I'm also blessed in that I have a pretty good idea of how I'm going to do it. But I am also very afraid of changing my life. I've grown comfortable in my situation, even if it's less than ideal. Things that change after I accomplish my goals include:

  • My living situation - moving across the country and setting up a new, comfortable home. That's stressful, complicated, a lot of work, and expen$ive!
  • My schedule - am I possibly trading my current existence for one in which I am constantly working? Does having all this money to do all of these cool things and take all these cool vacations interfere with my long-established penchant for lazing around on my couch and playing video games/aimlessly surfing the internet?
  • My relationship - how will it change? Will we grow and change together? Will my success put him off? Will his staying the same put me off? Will we no longer be compatible?
Etc, etc, etc. I came up with a few more reasons, but those are the big ones and they are not small things to consider. Changing my life means actually changing it, and that has consequences. Subconsciously, leaving my comfort zone is a scary thought. After listing my fears, I thought about each one and decided that most of these fears were me putting a negative spin on a positive thing - even my relationship, though I'm still a little scared about that.

No comments:

Post a Comment